A blizzard and a couple storms

It feels like geopolitically, the world is on fire. And the way I can run out of it is by keeping it together, by focusing on the right things in the here and now

The piling bills are like my storm you know, and not a pretty one (Illustration By: Hannah Arabella Gabling // The Underground).

Cups of piping hot chocolate in-hand, they sat down on the floor facing the floor-length windows outlooking the backyard. Beyond the comfort of indoors, the blizzard wind howled with an onslaught of snowflakes. 

“There’s something beautiful about snowstorms…or whenever it snows. The snow falling is just so pretty!” she said, long brown locks falling onto her face as she tried taking a sip from her cup. 

“That’s all you, Sam. I don’t see it. I think it’s kinda terrifying. There’s so much of it…so much snow. It feels like you could get lost in it,” Alex mumbled, passing Sam a hair-tie. 

“By the way, how are you? You seemed off the last few days.” she asked, pulling her hair back in a bun. 

“I’m ok, bro. It’s just…like…my brain feels like the snow storm sometimes. Everything’s just going down and I’m kinda confused. I don’t know what I want with myself…with anything anymore. Kinda don’t wanna talk to anyone, kinda wanna feel understood. I’m sorry if that’s kinda coming between us right now.” 

“That’s alright. I’m not mad, Alex, just concerned. I understand you either way. You just come to me whenever you need to hear that.” 

A few moments passed as the two tentatively sipped on their hot chocolates, which were still shy from cooling down. 

“How are you doing with everything? I ain’t getting those regular ‘good morning’ texts. All good?” Alex turned his face to her, setting his cup down. Sam sighed, her cup joining his on the floor.

“All good. Just been busy with work. The piling bills are like my storm you know, and not a pretty one.  It just stresses me out with finals coming up. I don't know how I’m going to manage between work and school. I’ve been trying to put in some overtime at work right now so I don’t have to work so much when everything’s due. But that just means I’m struggling to manage time right now!”

“I could always help you out with that stuff, fam, you just gotta let me know you need it.”

“No it’s not the money, it’s the time. Thank you though. I know you got my back.” she smiled.

They sat in silence for a while, sipping on their now lukewarm hot chocolate. They could see faint outlines of themselves in the window separating them from the raging snowfall. 

Alex cleared his throat. 

“Sometimes I just kinda look at everything and I just don’t know what to do. You know what I mean? There’s our problems, then there’s everything else going on in the world. It makes me feel weirdly pessimistic.” He pulled his knees closer to himself.

“The existential dread vibe of it all?” Sam offered.

“Exactly. I didn’t know if anybody else felt it. It’s almost like I’m questioning things all the time. I’m religious, you know that, so it’s not the ‘life feels purposeless’ kinda existentialism, but like an ‘is there a war impending’ type of existentialism. There’s so much going on, and we’re worrying about degrees and careers, all while facing the possibility of our lives becoming a history textbook chapter. We see all of these conflicts in the news almost passively, and sometimes it just hits me that people are dying.” he stares at the snow, as if trying to see past the headlines flashing like alarms in his head.

“Honestly, I was thinking about this all earlier too. And sometimes when I scroll the news I feel like I can’t breathe, and I wonder why I continue worrying about my trivial life even when we’re facing the possibility of larger global conflict. But something gives me hope.”  Sam paused,  tipping back her final sip. 

The empty cups were abandoned on the side by now, the comforting warmth of the hot chocolate still tingling in their throats. 

“Go on, I need a light at the end of the tunnel.” Alex sighed, waiting for Sam to help him clear his head. 

“Sometimes we gotta fight for ourselves regardless of everything around us. Like running out of a house on fire. It feels like geopolitically, the world is on fire. And the way I can run out of it is by keeping it together, by focusing on the right things in the here and now. Getting my degree overwith, making sure I’m educated enough to sort through the news between what's real, fake, and what’s propaganda. I gotta remind myself that there’s more I can do when I take care of myself. Even when it’s hard to do that. If I let go right now because I’m scared– and believe me, I’m terrified– I’ll be immobile in an actual crisis. I won’t be helpful in any way at all. There’s more power to us when we’re safe and healthy, and when we build up our strength against the odds. Maybe that’s a dramatic way to put it, but it works.” She waited intently, hoping the words had an effect.

“It does work to think of it that way. I guess I have to remind myself to take things one step at a time. And you’re right, if we don’t take care of ourselves today, how will we have the power to make change when we have the chance to. Thanks, Sam. That was surprisingly helpful.” 

“I’m glad it helped. Was the hot chocolate okay?” Sam asked, reaching to pick up the cups. 

“It was perfect. You know I love you, right?” he grinned. 

Sam smiled, getting up to put the cups away.

“I’m aware,” she said. 

“Go on, say it back.” Alex called out behind her. She responded from the hall. 

“I don’t think I have to!” 

Smiling, he continued to look out to the blizzard. 

“I know she loves me, anyways.” he mumbled.